


I Do So Now

by Nunonabun



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Discussion of Cancer, Discussion of Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 15:53:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13461522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nunonabun/pseuds/Nunonabun
Summary: A short fic about Patrick after Mrs. Gelin's death in 7x01, particularly about the emotional impact of terminal cancer cases on him given his past and how he copes with emotional pain now.





	I Do So Now

"I know it’s hard. But people have different ways of coping, you have to take the lead from your Mother.” His own words echoed in his head as he drove back to the surgery from the Gelins' house.

  
He had learned that the hard way when Marianne's condition started rapidly deteriorating. She had wanted to go to the hospital, to spare Timothy the sight of her dying, but he had wanted to keep her home, to care for her himself. Neither of them said it, but Patrick knew it was partially out of guilt. He was a doctor, he spent the majority of his time - more than she would have liked, though she had always accepted it with grace - curing and caring for others. He could not do the former for her, but he couldn't stand the idea that he was incapable of doing the latter as well.

The wound caused by her painful dying and death no longer hurt as it initially had, but cases like this caused it to ache.  
When Shelagh read him the letter about the metastasis of Mrs. Gelin's cancer, he couldn't help but remember when the oncologist at St. Cuthbert's broke the news to him and Marianne that her own cancer had spread to an untreatable degree.  
When he and Mr. Gelin moved the bed downstairs to spare Mrs. Gelin the stairs, he remembered how much it hurt Marianne to move in her final weeks.  
When Nurse Crane told him Mrs. Gelin had had a probable pulmonary hemorrhage, his mind's eye saw smoke curling around Timothy's young face, remembering the terror of seeing it blurr with Marianne's pain-twisted grimace.

He parked the car and entered the surgery without thinking. A light touch on his arm pulled him from his thoughts to Shelagh's concerned gaze. Gratefully and wordlessly he sank into her embrace, burrying his face in the crook of her neck. His stomach immediately twisted with guilt. How thoughtless and callous could he be, soothing his renewed grief for his first wife by finding comfort in his second wife. As she so often did, Shelagh divined his thoughts and took his hands, gently squeezing them in reassurance.

  
"If you need me, I'm here. If you need space, you can take it. Just promise me you won't hide." It was what she'd said after his struggle with his personal darkness a couple of years ago, and hearing her repeat it was like drinking a cup of tea after coming in from the cold. Suddenly the idea of being alone in his car or office was unbearable, and he tightened his grip on her hands.

"Mrs. Gelin passed quietly, but it was a hard case," he admitted.  
Shelagh nodded, her eyes reflecting that mix of understanding and love that Patrick could only hope she found in his own eyes when she needed it. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close and forget the ticking of the clock, so he did.

"If I've never told you that I appreciate you, that you're beautiful, and that I love you, I always do. I don't want a day to go by without you knowing that."

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are always appreciated!


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